Dogs on Trucks dot Joke Book
Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. kun,
Please dude let me get up from the (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ow ow ow!) table, your jokes are too good yo, my guts are about to (Ha ha ha) split over here dude. (Ow!)
Seriously dude these jokes are seriously loaded with Eff The Man factor. If I had known how rich they were going to be I would have only taken one! Or half of one!
Please, Dogs on Trucks Jr. kun, can I please be excused from the Thanksgiving 2.0 table? Daylight has almost run out and I need to go (ha ha ha ha ha ow ow ow!) make sure my dear ones are safe from the Nefarious Mofos. You should go tell your jokes on the audiopark.org talent search, and give my poor guts (Ha ha ha ow ow!) a rest for a bit.
Love,
Granny R.
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Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,
Granny R. tells me you still have not signed up to tell your jokes on the audiopark.org talent search. Why on Earth not, dude?
Somebody told me that you were afraid of going up against Coal Kitty, since he is going to be performing too. I understand that it might be a bit intimidating to follow an act that beat “The Alliens” by a landslide in the katuah.net Battle of the Bands, but you should really believe in yourself, yo! You’ve got what it takes, dude, I know you do!
Your friend,
Bobcat Brad
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Labels: trail of no tears jokes
10-30-07 Dogs on Trucks mailbag
Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. Sama,
Hello. I hope you are genki and well. I have excellent news to report: The settlement is expecting!
Sumiko and Yumiko are due on 07-19-2032, and all signs shown so far indicate that they will become perfectly healthy Ninja calligraphers, just like their parents.
Healers have warned me of the risk of premature birth due to the extremely curious and adventurous nature they are likely to have as a result of their genetics. The healers have also warned me to keep quiet about their predicted birthday, since it might give them extra cause to rebel against the confines of the womb, which, according to my already outspoken daughters, is “standin’ in the way of the Great Whore getting’ the ass kickin’ she so richly deserves”.
Aren’t they cute already, Dogs on Trucks Jr. Sama?
In accordance with the advice I have received from healers I have given up seafood, naughty goat meat, Nicotiana tabacum, alcohol, corn, and all my encampment deeds in foreign territories, since they provided me with the temptation to access polluted, high-risk lands.
I must confess, however, that before I learned that I was pregnant, I consumed a bit of Mojo Farms naughty goat meat. Although I am praying that this will not have a negative outcome on the girls’ birth, sometimes I have upsetting dreams about my young ones being born too soon, and too feisty, leading me to seek your sage advice.
Can you think of anything else our family might do to ensure that these daughters will grow up to be good girls who will do our Nation proud from the moment they enter our realm?
Thanks very much for your time and consideration. Hope you and your family enjoy a wonderful harvest season.
Sincerely,
Azusa Shouseki
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10-28-07 Dogs on Trucks mailbag
Dear Dogs on Trucks jr. sama,
Hello it is I! Your relation. I am writing to give you happy news: Our family is expecting!
We are going to be moving to a brand-new home in the Ayuwa’si area of Virginia just to make room for our wonderful bundle of joy, whom we can’t wait for you to meet.
If the baby is a boy we will name it after you. If it is a girl, though, what do you think we should name the child, and how many of your resources may we promise it?
Sincerely,
Eats With Teeth Like Knives in CA
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Dear Teeth Like Knives san,
Thanks for writing! You are welcome to visit us here, and you are welcome to name your little pup after me, but please do not attempt to settle on lands here, or steal things out of the air from our farm. Ayuwa'si was not created to support a family like yours.
Also, be sure you never trespass near the fabled fountains of ikigai in Ayuwa’si, lest you anger the springs. Disobey this rule and you will be excommunicated from Tengoku-Mura lands without hesitation.
Here is my response to your questions:
Aya’sta, and
zero, unless your water quality care habits don’t change in the very near future.
With warm wishes for a pleasant Thanksgiving 2.0,
Dogs on Trucks Jr.
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letters to Dogs on Trucks jr.
dear Dogs on Trucks jr.
is it true that you owe the Shouseki Flocks money?
just curious to know whether or not we should squash that rumor.
- Gerta in Alberta
- --...-- -dear Gerta,
yes, please squash that rumor ASAP! I owe the Shouseki Flocks clean water, which is why I am not going to build my kingdom at the (term not given) site.
if the Shouseki Flocks want my money, just tell them to ask for some at the library my Grandfather built. My Grandfather built this institution to help ensure that I, unlike he, would never be faced with unpleasant choices regarding the disposal of (term not given) currency.
if the Shouseki Flocks want something useful, though, like food security or viewshed wealth, please tell them to come help on the farm while we discuss the matter.
thanks very much for writing! hope to hear from you again soon.
- Dogs on Trucks jr.
o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o o O o O o
I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.
For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they all have one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence over a beast: for all
is vanity.
All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.
- Ecclesiastes Ch. 3 verses 18-20
Labels: scripture
When dead crying dinosaurs roamed the Earth
Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,
Please do not be angry with me. I snuck a ride on your time machine to visit The Era in Which Dead Crying Dinosaurs Roamed the Earth.
Please, please, please, s'il vous plait Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama, I am so sorry and contrite and VERY AFRAID. Please furnish me with some info which will allow me to escape from this era.
Your friend and willing compatriot,
Henry in Wisconsin
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Dear Henry,
Please listen very carefully to me. First of all, when The Man offers you some of his bad acid, refuse it!
Here is the story with the dead crying dinosaurs. These dinosaurs are crying because they have been made into fuel which has been washed in the blood of brilliant and innocent Nucleus Area children.
Your only hope for release from this era is to ensure the permanent future safety of all Nucleus Area children. This will help stop the incessant and plaintive cries of these tormented beasts.
I will be praying for you in this time of difficulty and hope we will both see happier times very soon. Until then, gambatte! Fight the good fight and tell The Man to go jump in an impoundment project.
Your friend,
Dogs on Trucks Jr.
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Labels: fun with fossil fuels
Mountain fairies wear boots
Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,
Hello! I hope you are genki and well today.
I have a question for you.
Do you have any special pranks etc. planned for Dogs Off Trucks day this year?
If not, might I contact you on the Special Hotline to share some ideas?
Looking forward to your reply. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
- Sincerely, H.K.
Labels: fun with information management
