A frightened conscript seeks help
Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. Ojii-san,I just got a draft notice from the Helianthus Army. What in the world am I going to do?
Can you please transfer some currency so I can have someone take my place? I can't leave my Special Someone to go manifest some plague-impaired person's vision of a brighter tomorrow.
With sincere best wishes and hopeful thoughts, your loving nephew Max
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Dear Max,
This is Ba-chan Nantoka writing, and I am very sorry to inform you that our beloved Dogs on Trucks Jr. Ojii-san has gone to sleep with Our Friends the Mycelium People, as he passed from this world peacefully just a short while ago.
Fortunately, your grandfather left his assets in very tidy array, with clear orders to me as to the way they should be distributed. You are specifically named in his will and I should be able to help you with your troubles very soon but for now I would like to simply invite you to join your family at your Jii-chan's funeral, which will be announced in a short while. Please stay tuned to this information channel so I can stay in touch with you, as I have no other means of communication with you at this time.
I should also caution you against snap judgments against the Helianthus Army. The accounts I have heard about it have all been quite positive.
with love from,
Nantoka
posted by dogs on trucks jr. @ 5:36 AM
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