Dogs on Trucks dot Mailbag - Feb. 13, 2007
Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr.I am looking to make some memories with my Valentine this February 14, and am in search of a good gift to woo her. I am thinking of taking out a cash advance on my paycheck to get her some red roses. Is this a good idea?
Sincerely,
Ted in NV
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Dear Ted,
Below are some crib notes for talking to your lady. Good luck!
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A note to my dear one - to explain the dearth of red roses.
My darling,
I love you so much. Happy Valentine’s day.
My intent, at one point, was to borrow some resources which would allow me to present you with a dozen red roses on this day. But the more I thought about it, the more I became convinced that it was a terrible idea to buy you something that was imported, out-of-season, and quite possibly laden with chemicals and pesticides and processed under sweatshop conditions.
You are my ikigai - an angel that makes me wish to live. While I believe that getting roses delivered in winter on your behalf is a nice idea, the footprint behind this action is so much an agent of ikigai attrition worldwide that I cannot consider such roses to be a fitting gift for as divine a being as yourself.
In light of this, please do me the favor of telling me how I can best honor your beauty, and my love for you, on this special day. Please tell me yourself, angel: What do you wish for today? What delights an angel most?
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Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,
Hello, how are you doing?
I am writing to see about leasing one of your information trucks so I can take my valentine out to see the stars tomorrow night. I have completed the requisite paperwork and have signed the terms of use agreement.
If possible, we would like to travel in a white truck covered with heart stickers.
Thanks for your help. Sincerely,
Roger in MN
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Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. kun,
Hi, how are you doing today?
It is I, Henrietta.
Do you have a date tomorrow evening? Just curious.
your friend, H
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DOTrux do you copy.
This is Cop Mosie.
We are fixing to nab some speeders tomorrow
hahahahhahahahahaha
Please tell me exactly how many information compounding arrows we have left.
and please tell me how to obtain more by dawn tomorrow.
hahahahahahahahhahahahahha
We are gonna be so rich.
Over.
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Dear dogs on trucks > vehicle complaint division > radio affiliates
The radio on my truck is busted. It only plays harp and flute music.
I want music that ROCKS OUT! I want to blare War Pigs covers etc. and make the hair visibly stand up on the back of the neck of The Man.
Also, I am looking to make some memories with my valentine tomorrow and I would like to have some music that is somewhat romantic and/or ambient.
Thanks for your prompt attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Henrietta Kittyson
2021 Dogs on Trucks Boulevard
Colorado, the Internet.
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Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama. Below is an urgent missive for my valentine, Ted.
Can you please deliver this to him?
Thanks, your pal, N.
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My darling, Ted,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for not giving me the awful gift you mentioned. And thank you very much for your inquiry. Yes! I would love to be your valentine now and forever.
My wish is for a mountain’s worth of Perfect Tilth. And a small ocean’s worth of Perfect Water. Can you give me this? I promise to give you more ikigai.
Thank you, I love you so much too and I am so glad to be a source of ikigai for you.
sincerely,
Your valentine, Nantokayama
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posted by dogs on trucks jr. @ 12:58 PM
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