When dead crying dinosaurs roamed the Earth
Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,
Please do not be angry with me. I snuck a ride on your time machine to visit The Era in Which Dead Crying Dinosaurs Roamed the Earth.
Please, please, please, s'il vous plait Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama, I am so sorry and contrite and VERY AFRAID. Please furnish me with some info which will allow me to escape from this era.
Your friend and willing compatriot,
Henry in Wisconsin
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Dear Henry,
Please listen very carefully to me. First of all, when The Man offers you some of his bad acid, refuse it!
Here is the story with the dead crying dinosaurs. These dinosaurs are crying because they have been made into fuel which has been washed in the blood of brilliant and innocent Nucleus Area children.
Your only hope for release from this era is to ensure the permanent future safety of all Nucleus Area children. This will help stop the incessant and plaintive cries of these tormented beasts.
I will be praying for you in this time of difficulty and hope we will both see happier times very soon. Until then, gambatte! Fight the good fight and tell The Man to go jump in an impoundment project.
Your friend,
Dogs on Trucks Jr.
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Labels: fun with fossil fuels
Mountain fairies wear boots
Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,
Hello! I hope you are genki and well today.
I have a question for you.
Do you have any special pranks etc. planned for Dogs Off Trucks day this year?
If not, might I contact you on the Special Hotline to share some ideas?
Looking forward to your reply. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
- Sincerely, H.K.
Labels: fun with information management
Misc. content from the Dogs on Trucks mailbag - March 19, 2007
Dogs on Trucks dot Cheat Sheet
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How much she hath glorified herself, and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow give her: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow, and shall see no sorrow.
- Book of Revelation
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Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. Sama,
Can (term not given) money be safely fed to goats? I am trying to find a fitting use for it. Plus my goats are starving.
Sincerely,
Karen in Chicago
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Dear Karen,
Thank you for writing!
Please do not poison your goats with that bad money. It is neither wholesome nor ethical to give (term not given) currency to any living thing. Even a goat has a right not to become a consumer in the plague-ridden food chain which is the (term not given) economy. Your goats will never get fat or healthy by eating the fruits of slavery, whoredom, pollution, misery and vampirism.
I am very sorry your goats are starving. They must be suffering terribly. I sincerely hope your People do not suffer too much from this as well.
For the sake of your People and your goats, I can’t resist mentioning that this never would have happened if you had A. read the Bible earlier, like I told you to, and B. paid attention to the weather.
By the way, the Free Unlimited Goat Chow deal ended just a few weeks ago…how is it that your goats are already starving?
In any case there is some legal tender enclosed in order to help you and your People get through the winter. Please use it wisely!
As for the fitting disposal of (term not given) money - chasing this demon out of the landscape of your life and mind is no simple matter. Treat this problem with the respect it deserves, and I think you will see some good results.
Your friend,
A caring O-bake person
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Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,
I just received my new product catalogue and WOW am I ever impressed with your new line! All my favorite products are readily available, and I don’t even have to make some far-off merchant wax rich to get them!
Thank you so much and namaste. Please feel free to let me know if there is anything I can do to help in your efforts to serve the Nucleus Area. Again, thanks for the high quality products.
Sincerely,
Carlos
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Labels: revelation
A frightened conscript seeks help
Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. Ojii-san,
I just got a draft notice from the Helianthus Army. What in the world am I going to do?
Can you please transfer some currency so I can have someone take my place? I can't leave my Special Someone to go manifest some plague-impaired person's vision of a brighter tomorrow.
With sincere best wishes and hopeful thoughts, your loving nephew Max
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Dear Max,
This is Ba-chan Nantoka writing, and I am very sorry to inform you that our beloved Dogs on Trucks Jr. Ojii-san has gone to sleep with Our Friends the Mycelium People, as he passed from this world peacefully just a short while ago.
Fortunately, your grandfather left his assets in very tidy array, with clear orders to me as to the way they should be distributed. You are specifically named in his will and I should be able to help you with your troubles very soon but for now I would like to simply invite you to join your family at your Jii-chan's funeral, which will be announced in a short while. Please stay tuned to this information channel so I can stay in touch with you, as I have no other means of communication with you at this time.
I should also caution you against snap judgments against the Helianthus Army. The accounts I have heard about it have all been quite positive.
with love from,
Nantoka
