dogs on trucks blog

Dogs on Trucks dot Joke Book

2007-12-30T15:57:00.000-08:00

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. kun,

Please dude let me get up from the (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ow ow ow!) table, your jokes are too good yo, my guts are about to (Ha ha ha) split over here dude. (Ow!)

Seriously dude these jokes are seriously loaded with Eff The Man factor. If I had known how rich they were going to be I would have only taken one! Or half of one!

Please, Dogs on Trucks Jr. kun, can I please be excused from the Thanksgiving 2.0 table? Daylight has almost run out and I need to go (ha ha ha ha ha ow ow ow!) make sure my dear ones are safe from the Nefarious Mofos. You should go tell your jokes on the audiopark.org talent search, and give my poor guts (Ha ha ha ow ow!) a rest for a bit.

Love,

Granny R.

---…---

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,

Granny R. tells me you still have not signed up to tell your jokes on the audiopark.org talent search. Why on Earth not, dude?

Somebody told me that you were afraid of going up against Coal Kitty, since he is going to be performing too. I understand that it might be a bit intimidating to follow an act that beat “The Alliens” by a landslide in the katuah.net Battle of the Bands, but you should really believe in yourself, yo! You’ve got what it takes, dude, I know you do!

Your friend,

Bobcat Brad

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2007-12-30T11:12:00.000-08:00

10-30-07 Dogs on Trucks mailbag

2007-10-30T05:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. Sama,

Hello. I hope you are genki and well. I have excellent news to report: The settlement is expecting!

Sumiko and Yumiko are due on 07-19-2032, and all signs shown so far indicate that they will become perfectly healthy Ninja calligraphers, just like their parents.

Healers have warned me of the risk of premature birth due to the extremely curious and adventurous nature they are likely to have as a result of their genetics. The healers have also warned me to keep quiet about their predicted birthday, since it might give them extra cause to rebel against the confines of the womb, which, according to my already outspoken daughters, is “standin’ in the way of the Great Whore getting’ the ass kickin’ she so richly deserves”.

Aren’t they cute already, Dogs on Trucks Jr. Sama?

In accordance with the advice I have received from healers I have given up seafood, naughty goat meat, Nicotiana tabacum, alcohol, corn, and all my encampment deeds in foreign territories, since they provided me with the temptation to access polluted, high-risk lands.

I must confess, however, that before I learned that I was pregnant, I consumed a bit of Mojo Farms naughty goat meat. Although I am praying that this will not have a negative outcome on the girls’ birth, sometimes I have upsetting dreams about my young ones being born too soon, and too feisty, leading me to seek your sage advice.

Can you think of anything else our family might do to ensure that these daughters will grow up to be good girls who will do our Nation proud from the moment they enter our realm?

Thanks very much for your time and consideration. Hope you and your family enjoy a wonderful harvest season.

Sincerely,

Azusa Shouseki

---...---

10-28-07 Dogs on Trucks mailbag

2007-10-28T10:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Dogs on Trucks jr. sama,

Hello it is I! Your relation. I am writing to give you happy news: Our family is expecting!

We are going to be moving to a brand-new home in the Ayuwa’si area of Virginia just to make room for our wonderful bundle of joy, whom we can’t wait for you to meet.

If the baby is a boy we will name it after you. If it is a girl, though, what do you think we should name the child, and how many of your resources may we promise it?

Sincerely,

Eats With Teeth Like Knives in CA

---…---

Dear Teeth Like Knives san,

Thanks for writing! You are welcome to visit us here, and you are welcome to name your little pup after me, but please do not attempt to settle on lands here, or steal things out of the air from our farm. Ayuwa'si was not created to support a family like yours.

Also, be sure you never trespass near the fabled fountains of ikigai in Ayuwa’si, lest you anger the springs. Disobey this rule and you will be excommunicated from Tengoku-Mura lands without hesitation.

Here is my response to your questions: Aya’sta, and zero, unless your water quality care habits don’t change in the very near future.

With warm wishes for a pleasant Thanksgiving 2.0,

Dogs on Trucks Jr.

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letters to Dogs on Trucks jr.

2007-10-27T07:44:00.000-07:00

dear Dogs on Trucks jr.

is it true that you owe the Shouseki Flocks money?
just curious to know whether or not we should squash that rumor.

- Gerta in Alberta

- --...-- -

dear Gerta,

yes, please squash that rumor ASAP! I owe the Shouseki Flocks clean water, which is why I am not going to build my kingdom at the (term not given) site.

if the Shouseki Flocks want my money, just tell them to ask for some at the library my Grandfather built. My Grandfather built this institution to help ensure that I, unlike he, would never be faced with unpleasant choices regarding the disposal of (term not given) currency.

if the Shouseki Flocks want something useful, though, like food security or viewshed wealth, please tell them to come help on the farm while we discuss the matter.

thanks very much for writing! hope to hear from you again soon.

- Dogs on Trucks jr.

o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o o O o O o

2007-10-19T17:03:00.000-07:00

I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.

For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they all have one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence over a beast: for all is vanity.

All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.

- Ecclesiastes Ch. 3 verses 18-20

When dead crying dinosaurs roamed the Earth

2007-03-28T08:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,

Please do not be angry with me. I snuck a ride on your time machine to visit The Era in Which Dead Crying Dinosaurs Roamed the Earth.

Please, please, please, s'il vous plait Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama, I am so sorry and contrite and VERY AFRAID. Please furnish me with some info which will allow me to escape from this era.

Your friend and willing compatriot,
Henry in Wisconsin

---...---

Dear Henry,

Please listen very carefully to me. First of all, when The Man offers you some of his bad acid, refuse it!

Here is the story with the dead crying dinosaurs. These dinosaurs are crying because they have been made into fuel which has been washed in the blood of brilliant and innocent Nucleus Area children.

Your only hope for release from this era is to ensure the permanent future safety of all Nucleus Area children. This will help stop the incessant and plaintive cries of these tormented beasts.

I will be praying for you in this time of difficulty and hope we will both see happier times very soon. Until then, gambatte! Fight the good fight and tell The Man to go jump in an impoundment project.

Your friend,

Dogs on Trucks Jr.

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Mountain fairies wear boots

2007-03-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,

Hello! I hope you are genki and well today.
I have a question for you.

Do you have any special pranks etc. planned for Dogs Off Trucks day this year?
If not, might I contact you on the Special Hotline to share some ideas?

Looking forward to your reply. Thank you very much for your time and consideration.

- Sincerely, H.K.

Misc. content from the Dogs on Trucks mailbag - March 19, 2007

2007-03-19T06:38:00.000-07:00

Dogs on Trucks dot Cheat Sheet

- --…-- -

How much she hath glorified herself, and lived deliciously, so much torment and sorrow give her: for she saith in her heart, I sit a queen, and am no widow, and shall see no sorrow.

- Book of Revelation

- --…-- -

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. Sama,

Can (term not given) money be safely fed to goats? I am trying to find a fitting use for it. Plus my goats are starving.

Sincerely,

Karen in Chicago

---…---

Dear Karen,

Thank you for writing!

Please do not poison your goats with that bad money. It is neither wholesome nor ethical to give (term not given) currency to any living thing. Even a goat has a right not to become a consumer in the plague-ridden food chain which is the (term not given) economy. Your goats will never get fat or healthy by eating the fruits of slavery, whoredom, pollution, misery and vampirism.

I am very sorry your goats are starving. They must be suffering terribly. I sincerely hope your People do not suffer too much from this as well.

For the sake of your People and your goats, I can’t resist mentioning that this never would have happened if you had A. read the Bible earlier, like I told you to, and B. paid attention to the weather.

By the way, the Free Unlimited Goat Chow deal ended just a few weeks ago…how is it that your goats are already starving?

In any case there is some legal tender enclosed in order to help you and your People get through the winter. Please use it wisely!

As for the fitting disposal of (term not given) money - chasing this demon out of the landscape of your life and mind is no simple matter. Treat this problem with the respect it deserves, and I think you will see some good results.

Your friend,
A caring O-bake person

---…---

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,

I just received my new product catalogue and WOW am I ever impressed with your new line! All my favorite products are readily available, and I don’t even have to make some far-off merchant wax rich to get them!

Thank you so much and namaste. Please feel free to let me know if there is anything I can do to help in your efforts to serve the Nucleus Area. Again, thanks for the high quality products.

Sincerely,

Carlos

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A frightened conscript seeks help

2007-03-15T05:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. Ojii-san,

I just got a draft notice from the Helianthus Army. What in the world am I going to do?

Can you please transfer some currency so I can have someone take my place? I can't leave my Special Someone to go manifest some plague-impaired person's vision of a brighter tomorrow.

With sincere best wishes and hopeful thoughts, your loving nephew Max

---...---

Dear Max,

This is Ba-chan Nantoka writing, and I am very sorry to inform you that our beloved Dogs on Trucks Jr. Ojii-san has gone to sleep with Our Friends the Mycelium People, as he passed from this world peacefully just a short while ago.

Fortunately, your grandfather left his assets in very tidy array, with clear orders to me as to the way they should be distributed. You are specifically named in his will and I should be able to help you with your troubles very soon but for now I would like to simply invite you to join your family at your Jii-chan's funeral, which will be announced in a short while. Please stay tuned to this information channel so I can stay in touch with you, as I have no other means of communication with you at this time.

I should also caution you against snap judgments against the Helianthus Army. The accounts I have heard about it have all been quite positive.

with love from,
Nantoka

Dogs on Trucks dot Mailbag - Feb. 13, 2007

2007-02-13T12:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr.

I am looking to make some memories with my Valentine this February 14, and am in search of a good gift to woo her. I am thinking of taking out a cash advance on my paycheck to get her some red roses. Is this a good idea?

Sincerely,
Ted in NV

---..---

Dear Ted,

Below are some crib notes for talking to your lady. Good luck!

---...---

A note to my dear one - to explain the dearth of red roses.

My darling,

I love you so much. Happy Valentine’s day.

My intent, at one point, was to borrow some resources which would allow me to present you with a dozen red roses on this day. But the more I thought about it, the more I became convinced that it was a terrible idea to buy you something that was imported, out-of-season, and quite possibly laden with chemicals and pesticides and processed under sweatshop conditions.

You are my ikigai - an angel that makes me wish to live. While I believe that getting roses delivered in winter on your behalf is a nice idea, the footprint behind this action is so much an agent of ikigai attrition worldwide that I cannot consider such roses to be a fitting gift for as divine a being as yourself.

In light of this, please do me the favor of telling me how I can best honor your beauty, and my love for you, on this special day. Please tell me yourself, angel: What do you wish for today? What delights an angel most?

---...---

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama,

Hello, how are you doing?

I am writing to see about leasing one of your information trucks so I can take my valentine out to see the stars tomorrow night. I have completed the requisite paperwork and have signed the terms of use agreement.

If possible, we would like to travel in a white truck covered with heart stickers.
Thanks for your help. Sincerely,

Roger in MN

---...---

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. kun,

Hi, how are you doing today?
It is I, Henrietta.
Do you have a date tomorrow evening? Just curious.

your friend, H

---...---

DOTrux do you copy.
This is Cop Mosie.

We are fixing to nab some speeders tomorrow
hahahahhahahahahaha

Please tell me exactly how many information compounding arrows we have left.
and please tell me how to obtain more by dawn tomorrow.

hahahahahahahahhahahahahha

We are gonna be so rich.

Over.

---...---

Dear dogs on trucks > vehicle complaint division > radio affiliates

The radio on my truck is busted. It only plays harp and flute music.

I want music that ROCKS OUT! I want to blare War Pigs covers etc. and make the hair visibly stand up on the back of the neck of The Man.

Also, I am looking to make some memories with my valentine tomorrow and I would like to have some music that is somewhat romantic and/or ambient.

Thanks for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

Henrietta Kittyson
2021 Dogs on Trucks Boulevard
Colorado, the Internet.

---...---

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. sama. Below is an urgent missive for my valentine, Ted.
Can you please deliver this to him?
Thanks, your pal, N.

---...---

My darling, Ted,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for not giving me the awful gift you mentioned. And thank you very much for your inquiry. Yes! I would love to be your valentine now and forever.

My wish is for a mountain’s worth of Perfect Tilth. And a small ocean’s worth of Perfect Water. Can you give me this? I promise to give you more ikigai.

Thank you, I love you so much too and I am so glad to be a source of ikigai for you.

sincerely,
Your valentine, Nantokayama

---...---

dogs on trucks readers write

2007-01-30T07:16:00.000-08:00

dear dogs on trucks jr. sama,

Thank you for the complimentary truck!!! I think that the audio system is my favorite feature of all.

I promise to drive carefully, obey all posted speed limits, and stay current with the Requisite Stickers and so forth.

yours sincerely, Mosie.

---...---

Dear Dogs on Trucks jr. kun,

O-genki desu ka? I hope you are doing well.

Thank you so much for the complimentary truck. It is everything I ever dreamed of, and more.
Nefarious Corporate Interests, Inc. look out!

hahahahahahaha

Ja ne, Henrietta K.

---...---

Dear Dogs on Trucks jr.

Aloha! How are you doing today.

Well, I just tried out the new truck and I have to say, I am eating my words now, because I really could have sworn that this free truck deal was 100% a scam!

Thank you so much. I love my truck and my dogs love it too.

Sincerely,

Roger in Hilo

---...---

Dear Dogs on Trucks jr.

Thank you very, very, very much for the truck. It is extremely great. And very beautiful.

I am a believer now: Dogs on Trucks information delivery products are NOT a scam.

If possible, could you please send me information on the Dogs on Trucks information compounding bow? It sounds wicked cool.

Thanks for your time. Sincerely, Mark in Maine.

---...---

---...---

2007-01-10T09:14:00.000-08:00

---…---

Dear reader, I am here on this page to help give you a special personalized tour of the ideapark.org community. This is in celebration of National and International Keep Your Sanity day, if I get my wish.

Along the trail there may be some hazards and scams etc. which will be viewable, but only rarely accessible by hyperlink. Please keep your eye on the blazes at all times to avoid become a needless victim of these nefarious swindles! Once you get your free virtual truck your commute will become much easier and less stressful, but for now please watch out for the leeches etc!

A note to consumers - Please exercise caution when testing the Dogs on Trucks pressurized link gun. This item is standard on all ideapark.org virtual giveaway trucks, since there is no way an honest citizen can safely travel from one side of the Internet to the other without this important self defense tool. As always, please remember your gun safety rules, and never assume that your link pressure gun is not loaded.

Are you ready to travel? Please join us upmountain for a little excursion into the wonderful world of online marketing. If you are already upmountain, please stay put! You aren't missing a thing. Just keep watching clouds etc.

…---...
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---...---.. -- - .. -
---...---.. -- - .. ---
---...---.. ---.-- - - - .. -
---...---.. ----...---- - .. - - - -.. --
---...---.. ----...--- - - .. ------ - -- - loop - >
---...---.. ----...--- - - .. - - - -.. -- ---...- --.. -
---...---.. ----...---- - .. - - - -.. -----...---.. ----...- - - -

---...---..-...---...--- - - loop - - -...--- - >

2006-12-28T07:35:00.000-08:00

---...---

...some of dem were traiters

and some
were human slayers

while some came as slave buyers

so they skip across the border
up in a Ethiopia

so

they skip across the border
in order to take over
skip across the border
and then there came disaster

the system was designed
like a cornmeal when it grinds...

---...---

Israel Vibration - Systematical Fraud lyrics

a missive arrives from Dogs on Trucks Jr.

2006-12-28T07:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Henrietta-san.

hello! how are you? are you genki and well? I really hope so.

The Mycelium People send their regards and their love.

my dear, would you please remove your (term not given) from the ping mechanism? I have heard every ping you have sent me, loud and clear.

did you know you were pinging me? what is the matter? did you get the lyrics I sent you?

your pal,

Dogs on Trucks Jr.

---...---

suggested queries for this page - information design

25 million pings later

2006-11-19T10:57:00.000-08:00

dear dogs on trucks jr. sama. I have pinged the system a little bit more than 25 million times now and have gotten no response at all, can we please just cut our losses here and start the fun karaoke party you promised?

sincerely,
Henrietta K.

- --...-- -

dear Henrietta,
thank you very much for writing!
the fun karaoke party I promised is very much an ongoing event.
why not start it now? I have posted some lyrics below to help you get started.

your friend,
dogs on trucks jr.

---...---

La la la, oh Lord, oh Lord !
La la la la la oh Lord!

The system is a fraud
It all started from abroad

Where a bunch of guys
Get themeseleves together
And call themeselves world leaders

Some of dem were
'posters

Some of dem were traiters

And some
were human slayers

While some came as slave buyers

So they skip across the border
Up in a Ethiopia

So
they skip across the border
In order to take over
Skip across the border
And then there came disaster
The system was designed
Like a cornmeal when it grinds

Where the so called leaders
Joined hands with their
friends
Pointing towards your future
Oh Lord, la la
la la, oh Lord
La la, Lord, oh Lord
La la la

---...---

Israel Vibration - Systematical Fraud

ping! ping! ping!

2006-11-17T16:09:00.000-08:00

dear dogs on trucks jr. sama.
have you finished my customized "Internet Sorting Tool" yet?

I am very impatient to see it.

I hear that you have gone to great lengths to establish quality standards on this tool,
and I hear that it is without parallel as a tool for frustrated and disheartened Christians and/or Buddhists, so please hurry up!

- - - "Henriettta" starts pinging the system - --

:)

ping!

:)

ping!

:)

ping!

:)

---...---

- o -...- o -

2006-10-28T07:33:00.000-07:00

---...---

http://gristmill.grist.org/story/2006/10/24/164045/58

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news clip from the Herald-Dispatch

2006-10-16T23:54:00.000-07:00

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Held once every four years, The Birke Art Symposium has been offering a wide array of free community art experiences this fall semester with the College of Fine Arts offering everything from public sculptures to lectures, and history-rich music projects and theater.

This week, the Symposium, whose theme is "Arts For All," winds up its successful run with a visit on campus and at the Huntington Museum of Art from Syracuse, N.Y., resident Carrie Mae Weems, who uses conceptual photography, sculpture, sound, and video, to document and challenge perceptions of race, gender and class.

Also, some of Appalachia's finest writers gather to speak about the environmental and social damage being done by the devastating coal mining practice of Mountaintop Removal.

Here's a look at the remaining schedule for the Birke Art Symposium. All events are free except for the Marshall University Theatre performances of HAIR and the workshop with Carrie Mae Weems at the Huntington Museum of Art.

Wednesday, Oct. 18-19 -- Mountain Top Removal Displays, noon to
1:30 p.m. at the Rotunda, Memorial Student Center, Marshall University.

Wednesday, Oct. 18 -- Carrie Mae Weems presentation at 7:30 p.m. at the Joan C. Edwards Playhouse, Marshall University Gender, racial and social aspects of her work .

Thursday, Oct. 19 -- Carrie Mae Weems, Gallery Talk at 7 p.m. at the Huntington Museum of Art Auditorium. Carrie Mae Weems will present a public gallery talk on her work in general, and specifically on the exhibitions HMA will present: May Days Long Forgotten and Italian Dreams.

Friday, Oct. 20 through Sunday, Oct. 22 -- Gropius Workshop with Carrie Mae Weems. All-day. Huntington Museum of Art Participants must register and enroll with the Huntington Museum of Art (304) 529-2702 or www.hmoa.org for the interdisciplinary workshop on designing a performance space and piece.

Friday, Oct. 20 and Saturday, Oct. 21 -- Writers Symposium on Mountain Culture, Mountain Top Removal, and the Environment.

Friday, Oct. 20 -- Registration, Welcome and Book-Fair at 3 p.m. Smith Hall Atrium in front of the Birke Art Gallery

Friday, Oct. 20 -- Roundtable, Writing for the Environment at 4 p.m. at Smith Hall 154, featuring writers from "Missing Mountains" (Wind Press)

Friday, Oct. 20 -- Readings at
7:30 p.m. at Smith Hall 154, featuring writers from "Missing Mountains" (Wind Press)

Friday, Oct, 20 -- Reception with the "37 Flood" at 9 p.m. at Java Joint, Corner of Hal Greer Blvd., 3rd Avenue

Saturday, Oct. 21 -- Writing Workshops at 9: a.m. to 10:20 a.m. in Smith Hall, featuring Chris Holbrook (Smith Hall 113), Charlie Hughes (Smith Hall 227) and Kristin Johannsen (Smith Hall 263)

Saturday, Oct. 21 -- "Coal: An Anthology of Poetry" from 10:30 a.m. to Noon in Smith Hall 154, Blair Mountain Press Reading.

Saturday, Oct. 21 -- Workshops at 1:30 - 2:45 p.m. Smith Hall, featuring Erik Reece (Smith Hall 113), Anne Shelby (Smith Hall 227), and Mary Ann Taylor-Hall (Smith Hall 263)

Saturday, Oct. 21 -- Keynote Address, Denise Giardina at 3 to
4 p.m. at the Joan C. Edwards Playhouse, Marshall University.

---...---

2006-10-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

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dogs on trucks jr. gets an earful

2006-09-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Dogs on Trucks jr. chan. Please tell me what happened to the Nucleus Area. Where did all the traffic go? Who turned out the lights?

Sincerely, J. Kanemochi
recent aquisitor of the Dogs on Trucks web empire

---...---

Dear Mr. Kanemochi-san, I swear to goodness I do not know why all the traffic is missing from the Nucleus Area. Maybe the Coal Creature ate it.

I also do not know who turned out the lights, although I can look into the matter if you wish.

letters to dogs on trucks jr.

2006-09-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Dogs on Trucks Jr. Sama.

Please answer my question as truthfully as you can. I am only eight years old, so I hear lots of unvarnished lies.

I have heard many tales of your exploits as a magnate in the Ambient Findability industry, and I have also heard of your recent conversion to the Giving A Rat's A** About Others religion. So I have written to you in the hopes that you you will tell me the truth, and that you are not just another one of these bought-out SOBS with some axe to fry or whatever.

Please tell me: Where does relevance come from?

sincerely,

Anastasia
201 Dogs on Trucks Blvd.
Colorado, the Internet

ps. please don't say (term not given). I will get very mad if you say (term not given). Just because I am eight years old does not mean I am a chump!

---...---

tags for this post - tagweight

"Tony" gets a taste of life as a Geijutsuka Person

2006-08-21T07:01:00.000-07:00

dear dogs on trucks jr. sama.

Yikes!!!
I tried out those metaphorical mocassins as per your suggestion and they hurt like a mofo!

Please tell me immediately what I can do to improve the situation of Geijutsuka People around world.

your pal,

Tony

---...---

- --...-- -

2006-08-18T11:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Nantoka- chan,

What color crayon should I use to draw a picture of a silver spoon?
I am working on a funny cartoon.

your pal,
Tony

- --...-- -

2006-08-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

dear dogs on trucks jr.
did you ever figure out a way to make dogs surf the internet?
I imagine there would be quite a market for that.

signed,
N. Ernest

ps. Sorry you are not a Kanemochi person. You must really hate yourself!

---...---

Dear N. Ernest - I never did find a way to make dogs surf the internet although I did figure out a pretty cool prank on the way.

I can give you all the details in confidence if you click on the link shown below in the next thirty seconds. after that I must erase the link and I cannot give you any details about the prank.

Please hurry!!! I am very eager to give you all the funny details.

your pal,
Dogs on Trucks jr.

---...---

P